The Disciplined Investor
How to Have Family Conversations About Money
Money plays a role in so many of the decisions we make, yet it remains one of the last taboos in American life. Despite its importance, 62% of people say they don’t talk about money at all—not with family, not with friends and in nearly half of cases, not even with their spouse or partner. In fact, most Americans feel more comfortable discussing politics, religion or even the details of their love lives than their bank accounts.
The reluctance here is understandable. Money is tied to identity and emotion, including feelings of self-worth, fear of judgment, embarrassment or shame around things like spending, saving and debt. As uncomfortable as these feelings may be, avoiding these conversations carries a real cost. Silence can create stress, undermine financial security and strain relationships across generations.
These conversations are especially important to have with family. Understanding each other’s expectations, responsibilities and values leads to smarter planning and strengthens families along the way. Talking about money—even imperfectly—is one of the most powerful steps families can take toward long-term financial well-being.
Discussing Finances with Adult Children
For parents with adult children, looping them into your financial plan helps give them the information and tools they may need to help you one day or ensure your estate plan and legacy wishes are fulfilled. Consider discussing:
Your financial plan: Share how you expect to spend your retirement and what lifestyle adjustments you expect to make. For instance, do you plan to downsize or relocate? Are you planning to spend more time with the grandkids? Take the time to understand if your plans align with your children’s so there are no misunderstandings.
Your estate plan: Let children know what you intend to leave behind, whether it’s financial assets, property or personal valuables. Surprises can lead to conflict, while clarity early on can help prevent it. There are no hard and fast rules about what you need to share. If you’re uncomfortable with specific dollar amounts, for instance, you could use percentages or rough ballparks.
Your goals and values: Wealth planning isn’t just about assets; it’s also largely about purpose. Explain what’s important to you and what you hope to accomplish with your wealth. For instance, are you hoping to help fund your grandchildren’s education? Are there philanthropic causes you value? Helping your children understand the “why” behind financial decisions can make it more likely your legacy is carried out.
Discussing Finances with Aging Parents
In many ways, it’s hard to define what retirement is. After all, it’s not a single moment but a series of transitions. For instance, rather than an abrupt shift to not working at all, you may consider bridge employment—usually part-time work in a temporary position or as a consultant in your field or in a different industry. This can offer a gradual shift into retirement, providing continued income and engagement as you adjust.
Relationships and physical routines matter more than ever when you retire. Staying active, both physically and socially, offers measurable health benefits. Regular physical activity lowers risks, including the likelihood of dementia, heart disease, stroke and eight types of cancer.3
People-centered activity is important, too. Look for ways to stay engaged, whether through volunteering, mentoring, part-time work, creative pursuits or community involvement. Older volunteers, aged 55 and up, who gave 100 hours or more each year were two-thirds less likely to report poor health than non-volunteers.4
Spending more time with family is a high priority for many retirees and can be a great way to fulfill social needs. But make sure that vision is shared. Open conversations with loved ones about time together, expectations and boundaries can help align plans and avoid disappointment down the road.
Designing a Retirement with Purpose
For children of aging parents, approaching financial topics can feel daunting. It might feel like prying, or maybe money is a topic you’ve never broached with them before. But doing so now is far easier than navigating decisions in a crisis. Honest conversations about future plans and resources can prevent stressful last-minute decisions later. Consider discussing:
Long-term care plans: Do your parents have long-term care insurance or funds set aside for potential future health care needs? Have they thought about where they want to live as they age?
Key decision-making roles: Understanding responsibilities in advance can eliminate confusion when timing matters most. Find out who holds powers of attorney and will oversee medical or financial decisions if parents are unable to.
Financial safety and organization: Ask how parents have organized important documents and where they are kept. Who needs to know passwords to important accounts and where are they stored? Is there an estate planning attorney who has copies of documents such as wills and trusts?
How to Have Productive Money Conversations
While knowing what to talk about is important, having this discussion is another matter. They can be uncomfortable, to say the least, and they’re often downright emotional. A structured, thoughtful approach helps. Consider the following:
Choose the right setting: Avoid holidays and major family events. These are often already stressful times when emotions may be running high. Instead, schedule a dedicated time that allows for calm, uninterrupted conversation. Let participants know the topic in advance so they can come prepared with questions and concerns.
Set an agenda: Be clear about the purpose of the conversation. Are you educating loved ones about your financial situation? Discussing an estate plan? Addressing specific concerns like debt or spending? Putting the agenda in writing can help keep the discussion focused.
Acknowledge emotions: Money is deeply emotional, and strong feelings are a normal part of the conversation. Acknowledging that reality upfront can help defuse tension. Aim to create an environment where everyone feels heard and respected—by asking open-ended questions, encouraging family members to share their perspectives and resisting the impulse to blame or shame.
Turn conversation into action: By the end of the discussion, make sure everyone understands their role. Sometimes the goal of a meeting is simply transparency, and no follow-up is required. In other cases, families may need to outline next steps or ask for help.
As your vision for retirement evolves, keep your financial advisor in the loop. Your financial advisor can help you align your financial strategy with your goals. Financial readiness is an essential part of retirement, but so is life readiness. As life expectancy increases, knowing how you’ll spend your time, contribute your talents, and stay connected to others can make all the difference in how fulfilling your retirement years feel. A comprehensive retirement plan should support your lifestyle and your life goals.
Your Financial Advisor Can Help
Conversations about money within families can be complex, emotional and consequential. At Allodium, we can help our clients clarify complex issues and outline planning strategies for them and their families to consider. We can also help facilitate family meetings, serving as a resource to guide conversation and answer questions as they come up.
Hello! I’m Saul, a wealth advisor and financial planning specialist at Allodium Investment Consultants, located in Minneapolis, MN. I am dedicated to helping our clients reach their financial goals by specializing in investment strategies and comprehensive financial planning. When I am not advising clients, you will find me spending time with my wife, Khara, and daughter, Brielle. We live on a hobby farm, which supports my love of gardening and cooking. I have also been a downhill ski racing coach and enjoy outdoor activities, including canoeing, camping and photography.
The information provided is for educational purposes only and is not intended to be, and should not be construed as, investment, legal or tax advice. Allodium makes no warranties with regard to the information or results obtained by its use and disclaim any liability arising out of your use of or reliance on the information. It should not be construed as an offer, solicitation or recommendation to make an investment. The information is subject to change and, although based upon information that Allodium considers reliable, is not guaranteed as to accuracy or completeness. Past performance is not a guarantee or a predictor of future results of either the indices or any particular investment.